Whoa There, Clooney...

Saw Anton Corbijn's The American today.  Even though George Clooney was pretty to look at, it was way too slow-paced and all in all pointless for me.  Some of the cuts seemed oddly timed.  Lots of moments were expected and obvious, as well as corny to the degree where I wanted to bash my head against the railing in front of me for large periods of time.  This was later topped by the urge to vomit in a paper bag because of the cliches that were mounting one on top of the other.  I could almost grasp the idea that a precious and intimate relationship between Clooney and the woman was supposed to blossom...'almost' being the key word.  It was unbelievable, whatever connection the two were supposed to have.  Clooney's character, as poker-faced and miserable as he was supposed to be, just was over-stoic.  Yet, we know from Up in the Air that he is capable of conveying understated emotions in a beautiful manner.  It wasn't seen here, though.  Waste of money.  Kept checking my watch.  Wanted to leave the movie.  Burst out in disbelieving laughter as the ending credits rolled.  Oh, but the scenery and architecture are gorgeous.

"Receive with simplicity everything that happens to you" - Rashi

Saw A Serious Man yesterday, a Coen brothers film.  Wasn't really into it, although there were several (maybe too many) moments where my jaw literally dropped.  Maybe it was almost too Jewish for me to grasp the underlying meanings, despite having attended an almost completely Jewish school.  The trailer was well-made, though, is what I remember, and that's why I wanted to see this movie pretty badly.  I guess it got part of its point across, though, of feeling the anxiety and unbearable frustration and pressure of someone trying to get by life but seems to be thrown into detours every step of the way.
Heading back to Chicago in a week's time.  There's this part of that is somewhat eager to go back, buy furni, setup and move in properly to my new place. I remember to try and reprimand that part of me.  Once again, the solution that seemed to work last fall (when I actually made efforts to do it) is to keep myself busy busy busy.  Get a part-time job, work on more sets, meet people, keep my place clean, do only the necessary for all other things that don't give me joy.  

Not Sure How I Feel About...

musicians.  Especially the ones that can sing.  Once you hear them, they do this really excellent job of charming you and "sweeping you off your feet".  You really could not care for them otherwise up until that point (or even after that point), but as long as you are at the point in time when it's happening...it's sort of mesmerizing.  Not that you want to be mesmerized or anything.  It just happens.  Sucker for crooners. 
However, successfully crooning and having a girl be sucked into it is one thing.  It's a completely different matter about believing you are living the dream.  So just enjoy the melody as a very temporary drug for the soul.

Transsiberian (2008)

Directed by Brad Anderson, Transsiberian (2008) was overall.. unsatisfying?  This does not, by any means, mean that I regret watching it or disliked it.  The splashes of bright red contrasted nicely with the bright but pretty consistent and flat cold tone of the white snow all around.  
Also really interesting to see the change in the protagonists when push came to shove from their happy-go-lucky demeanors to being able to do anything in order to survive.  I suppose one could say that part of the message (if there is any, since that always seemed foolish to assume that anything, be it poems, literature, paintings, film, etc. holds any intentional meaning) is that people never truly know each other, and there is never really a 'truth'.  So much motivates us to do the tiniest things, and as such, it's impossible to determinedly state that anything is of pure intent or truth.
The two protagonists, Woody Harrelson and Emily Mortimer, gave off this amateur vibe as the story progressed.  At the beginning, they as actors seemed pretty natural being a dorky couple and whatnot.  There was a scene when Roy, Woody's character, was trying to get the train to start.  He was throwing around orders doing some violence of his own, and the overall effect I felt was of something unfitting.  At first thought, one might be tempted to think that they just suck at acting.  But instead, I think it was cleverly directed and interpreted by the actors.  Of course there is hesitation and of course they are amateurs.  They are amateurs because as far as we know, their characters have never been put in these types of chaotic and violent situations, and it is completely suited and logical that Roy seems like he's trying to hard and is fake when attempting to take control of the situation and their lives.
Pretty good though.  Alot happened while most of the shots were inside the train, and it never felt boring.  Only annoying when Emily Mortimer wouldn't shut the hell up and continued to bawl and whine and squirm.  


I want to see Waltz with Bashir.


There are around two weeks left before having to head back to school.  Not.. exactly ecstatic to go back.  Yes going back will probably make life more interesting, but interesting is not always the best.  I've learned to appreciate the normalcy that comes around every so often.  

August Ruminations

Ahhh I am a movie failure this summer. Barely seen anything.
Most recently, hit up Scott Pilgrim vs. The World:

I know nothing about the comic book, so pretty much went in without any large ideas. Was fun and entertaining, and feels different from generally other types of movies.  Actually, I had tried to imagine what it would be like in comparison to Kickass because both were..sort of cartoony superhero-ish themes.  Alas, the comparison cannot really be made.  Scott Pilgrim's humor was fast-paced and cuts were quick as well.  For some reason, didn't really feel for the somewhat repetitive gamer's action sequences, just because at that point, I felt like a Nintendo-ing dork.


Saw Inception as well, and I've said this to everyone who's asked:  It was good. I was looking so so forward to it and had high expectations..and I don't know why, because there wasn't really a letdown or anything, but I don't have an 'OMG THAT WAS AMAZING' feeling.  All I'm able to say is that I'm seeing Nolan's pattern of creativity: layers stuck inside layers waiting to be understood via intricate dissection (think Memento and The Prestige).  I loved those films, and I guess my anticlimactic reaction has to do with having wanted to see something I never would've expected.  Oh also...Ellen Page..no.


Totally unrelated, I passed my driving test!


Been also thinking about...how some, if not most, things/people are not meant to last.  But it's okay because they had a significant purpose of affecting us.  Molding our ideas and perspectives on beliefs, life, and love.  Rather than muttering to yourself in dark bitterness about how things ended [up], it feels so much better to reflect on what you were able to get out of such interactions as experience.  Not everything has to be happy-related, but isn't it enlightening and heartening to know that you are one experience closer to decoding who you are as a person, sister, daughter, friend, lover?  It makes life more bearable and understandable when following this line of thought.  Because unfortunate events are bound to happen...and when everything seems unfortunate.. that..sucks.  Life can't be a complete bitch, right?  So you look for what you're missing, what you could be doing better to cooperate with how things roll.
I formally realized this like half an hour ago, and it helps to morph the pain I feel/have felt about persons and incidents into one of appreciation.  I don't have to hold unrelenting grudges or dwell on why things never turn out 'normal'.  Instead, I can think in sheer amazement about how much I matured via experience and interaction.  I will try to not hover around in the past, but I will give things another shot if I deem it necessary and/or possessing of some potential and possibilities.  There're no reasons to let things slide by now.  Stick your foot in the door before it closes.  The worst that can happen... you lose a foot.  But at least you tried to catch the opening.

Time Flew

Is it still flying? Not sure...

KASA Show 2010: POP! was a success, after much hair-pulling and not-so-internal screaming. Just picking up the pieces now.

Some movies that I got around to seeing in the past month:

The Secret in Their Eyes, acclaimed as a Best Foreign Film. I'm not sure I'm willing to agree...maybe it's because I watched it pretty close to midnight, and was too tired to follow it. Definitely did not feel like an active viewer. A shame; had been really looking forward to watching it, only to be super disappointed. A fellow student in one of my film classes claimed to really liking it, though. This is the person who crucifies Avatar as if it were his job. Take it as you will.

Kick-Ass, on the other hand, was absolutely amazingly fanfreakingtastic! The trailers don't do it any sort of justice, because all the trailers do is to weird you out. I mean, who wants to watch a movie about people who apparently can't discern reality from comic fiction? But watch it. There's gore, but it seems so intentionally exaggerated that one could not actually be frightened by what's placed on the screen. The characters are amazing. I grew to really want things to work out for them. So strange in that the movie is able to combine the genres of drama, action, comedy, and some odd form of horror into one thing. I don't have many favorite movies (perhaps because I don't/haven't watch[ed] enough), but I feel inclined to putting this as a favorite. I would also contemplate watching it again. And I don't do that. Why sit through something you've seen for another 2 hours? But this is just... so enjoyable.

Wristcutters: A Love Story was a random viewing. It's definitely quirky and off-beat...but I'll be the first to admit that I didn't follow it enough to really feel pulled into it.

Now for some eye candy of food~

Damn. I eat like it's my sole purpose in life.

This is what happens when KASA Show is over...and the need to diet is gone...except we apparently have another gig...?!

Shiat.

On another note...I'm wrapped up in: Mary J. Blige's What Love Is:

Beautiful, horrible, magical, terrible.
Reason to laugh and smile.
Reason to cry yourself to sleep at night.
Start a fight. Make up, break up, wrong or right.
Heaven for all this work can
equally be hell on earth.
(And no one really knows anything about it)
But everybody needs it.
We can't life without it.
And that's the way it goes.)
Darkest day, brightest night.
Just some other things you might hear if you ask what love feels like.

And it feels like joy, and it feels like pain.
And it feels like sunshine, feels like rain.
An excuse for dying, reason to live.
And if you don't know, that's what love is.
Love is.

Gentle kiss, sweet caress.
Kiss the base of your neck.
Argue until my head hurts, I can't remember what you said.
Out, screaming loud, don't know what were screaming bout.
So confused and yes its true, but if it wasn't there what would we do?

Floods in Wonderland

The city's been experiencing a massive amount of rain these past few days.
Ate at Cafe Fiorello's before hitting up Alice in Wonderland in IMAX 3-D.

The movie was actually pretty enjoyable and entertaining to watch. Minus the awfully awkward and unnecessary dance segments they did towards the end; that just killed any moment that was trying to be created. Also, this is probably because of the trained way to view and analyze learned from my Children's TV class this past quarter, but the movie had lots of room for [mis]interpretations of gender roles, and the sexual tension between Alice and the Mad Hatter. All in all, the movie's psychotic enough to be intriguing, but I don't know if the 3-D part is worth it. In general, I'm not big on the 3-D...causes some motion sickness...

Oh Columbia

Ended up going to Columbia twice today. Both times, had food around that neighborhood:

I watched 'Un Prophete' the other day.

It was pretty interesting and enjoyable. But after about 1 hour into the film, I started to wonder if this were not just a story about high school cliques and bullies, but in prison. Also realized how distracting subtitles can be when one is trying/should be watching the visuals, not trying to keep up reading the translations. But hey, what can you do? I'm pretty sure if this were dubbed/somehow made in English, it would detract from the film.

::Pause::

어떤 때 는 그냥 포기하고 죽고싶은 기분이 들은다.
뭘해도 안되는 느낌.. 
영원히 뭐가 부족한다는 느낌..
웃는 척하면서, 사람들을 위해서, 그것도 아니란다.
모두가 문제이란다.
고치고싶어도, 어떻게해야할지.. 
어디 부터..
고칠수가있는지..
이럴 때 는,
"그만 둘까"
생각이난다.

집으로 가고싶은데..
어느 안전한 곳이 그리운데, 이미 집에 와있다.
이제 어디로 갈수있는건가..
희망이 안보인다.

Spring in NYC

Back for break since last Friday. That day, we went to a small authentic Japanese place for food.

Really really fresh. Beyond any other place (including places like Morimoto).
Got my wisdom tooth pulled yesterday, so I'm sort of in the recovering phase...buut can't wait to see some films at Lincoln Plaza (which seems to be showing some more interesting things as opposed to AMC).

Movies and Cupcakes

Up in the Air was pretty amazing. I don't generally easily say that I really like a film when I see one, but this one was... thought-provoking. It's like that friend who's ready to give you a shoulder or some words of advice, but in the form of a film. By the end of the film, I felt alot better. Watching it had somehow proven to be some cathartic process that made the whole world seem much more understandable...understandable in the sense that it's NOT understandable, under any/most circumstances. But you deal by pushing against all that's being thrown at you. You may lose at the end, but there's really no other way to sanely survive in this world without just always being ready to confront the unexpected. Loved this film.

Next up, Scorsese's Shutter Island.
Did I love it? No... but it was okay. I'm hesitant to say I really liked it, but I don't feel like I wasted my money watching this one. Lots of fun stuff going on with colors and saturation. Perhaps my concern is with how the ending seemed too.. logical and expected. It made alot of sense. But.. almost too much sense? Definitely wasn't keen on how one of the characters verbally explains everything in detail of the reality...way too many words! Shouldn't the film make us think to figure it out? I mean, it's nice to know that we KNOW, but straight-out telling us is no fun...write a book, instead. However, I would suggest people to go see this, as it's one of the fewer movies that have come out recently that isn't completely asking to be puked on.

What...?! No. The Crazies was.. inexplicably pointless. A sad wannabe of the District 9 genre. I had pretty high expectations for this, as Rotten Tomatoes showed some high reviews...unfortunately, it is true what one critic noted, about the repetitive hide-and-seek pattern throughout the 2 hours. Sure, I screamed and peered through between my fingers when the loud noises and ugly disfigured people popped out on the screen. But more than anything, I [and my friend] was left laughing at the ridiculous situation being presented. I think I expected it to be much more psychological...for what reason, I'm not sure...Waste of money watching this.

So my friends and I went to Molly's for their apparently unbelievably delicious cupcakes that make Magnolia in NYC look like crap. Granted...I've only had a Magnolia's cupcake once, and I'm not that into cupcakes in general.

 

  

  

 

This was actually pretty good! I had the blueberry cheesecake cupcake, and I stuck the cookie monster cupcake in my fridge, since there's only so many cupcakes I can take (especially in a day...). That last one is my friend's, a macadamia cupcake.
My friend and I celebrated Chicago's Restaurant Week by going to Lawry's Prime Rib, where I gracefully fell face-forward on the beautifully polished and waxed hardwood floor in front of many peaceful diners. Luckily, I landed/caught myself with my arm...but needless to say, drawing that much attention to myself is not my idea...haha.

The end of a long but great day in Chicago.

Something...

There's this uncomfortable but familiar feeling of loneliness drawing closer..
Maybe it's the cold winter weather that's finally hit. Or maybe it's because Valentine's Day is creeping up a little too quickly.
Go away.

The Book of Eli is a terrible movie out in theatres that really should stop. I considered it being worse than Ninja Assassin. I thought that I disliked it partly for its very slow and consistent beat, but then I watched There will be Blood, and that was a remarkable display of a film that's a little more low-key about the action that's going on, but it was very very well made.


I was trying to watch Before Sunrise, but the file was damaged, so I'm in the process of downloading it again. I did watch District 9, Memento, and The Phantom of the Opera this past week, though. Trying to catch up. Futile attempt? Perhaps. I really really liked Memento, and felt awful that I had waited so long before watching it. I don't do 'favorites', especially about films, but this one comes pretty close. Maybe it's just the unusual story arc? I liked it alot.


February is tomorrow. It's going to be a busy month. Then spring break mid-March. 집중 please.

Hurt, Heal, & Grow

Found this as I was browsing. 
Don't know who to credit, but this is a soother. 
Gives you that moment to stop doing and thinking everything that you think makes up you and your life, and just see the larger picture. How much one can learn and grow, and proceed after having been on the receiving end of seemingly-endless cuts from sadistic sharp blades. Meditation? I'm no yoga-hugging meditator, but even as a child, when things got rough, and I didn't know what to do, couldn't breathe, couldn't see through the speedy growth of the darkness that the anger and sadness and and heart-wrenching confusion had enabled and catalyzed, I would sit on my bed, get in the 'indian-style" seating position that for me had automatically been associated with meditation, and breathe. 
The pain that had become physical, was actually hindering the ability to breathe and think clearly at all, slowly, almost too slowly, but eventually would subside. It was still there, but suppressed. Shut down again, to make it through another day like that, again. 
To think back on it hurts..increases my heart rate..creates a haze of all that's managed to fit into these short near-twenty years.

I would always think, where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? I must've taken the wrong path at the fork of the road. I must've missed the sign that said 'This Way for Happiness'. But this..this essay? meditation? words of unbelievable wisdom (which is not a word I throw around for kicks) is it. The summation of all that's happened. And that there's no point in wondering how to fix it, how it could've been avoided, if you are at fault. 
The only thing that matters is you go on. You go on. As you read this, you realize that yes, you HAVE learned. As crazy as it is, because you tend to think you've learned and grown and matured, when really you haven't, this is just it. I'm clearly at a loss of words, because this writing has chosen and used all the right ones.

--

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect.

You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest.

And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Hello Winter

Back in Chicago, and the first week of Winter Quarter has ended. 

We started off the week with a surprise party for a friend's 21st birthday.

Onto the weekend! The winter storm alert is on, but it's taken some planning to organize something for ~20 people. Also, shouldn't we be used to the weather by now? Haha.

Came across this on Vimeo; thought it was cute and sad. I think the animation works really well here. I was talking (aka butting heads) with a friend about animation, and whether or not it possesses the ability to demand respect from viewers. Perhaps I just like to play devil's advocate, but I feel that animation is underrated, and it is indeed something to be respected and recognized at as much a high level as regular films. Just because we have come to instinctively associate animation with children's tv shows does not mean that animation has to stay there. There's more I would say, but I've hashed it out already with that friend earlier today, haha. A little beat, now. 
In any case, I haven't watched this completely, but I hope and intend to soon: Waltz with Bashir. It's an animated documentary, and it really seems stunning in the animation's ability to convey the emotions and tensions that permeate the storyline.